Rock n’ roll, baby!

Rock n’ roll, baby!

Originally uploaded by swingnut.

This weekend was the perfect antidote to the shite week I described in my previous blog post: it was a friend’s stag weekend.

What goes on on tour - stays on toast.

Suffice to say I had a bit of a Rock ‘n’ Roll moment…

Grinding me down

Last weekend I had to work. It was the annual Disaster Recovery ‘test’ for the Production system, and the usual dial-up access was broken. So I was on-site at work from Saturday/Sunday night 1am until 6am. I got home at about 6.30am after giving a colleague a lift home, and I went straight to bed to sleep. I set the alarm for 10.30am because I had to get up and dial-up to do some more work. I did manage to get up and dial-up, but something went wrong and I was working for an hour rather than the minutes I should have.
I then had to drive back into work again because the dial-up access was too crap to use, so I was on-site from 12.20pm until 4.20pm.
So that was about 10 hours of work over two days with only a few hours sleep inbetween. I was absolutely wiped out, and running on automatic pilot. I managed to get about 6 and half hours sleep Sunday night but it just wasn’t enough, and I was feeling really tired all day Monday. Then I got another call-out the next ‘night’ at 5:30am on Tuesday morning. I spent half an hour working, and then got half an hours sleep before going into work for the day.

Sleep deprivation isn’t a problem for me. What is a problem is the days and days of interrupted and fragmented sleep, and the effort of still trying to go into work for 7 and a half hours a day, and avoid rush hour gridlock.

My weekends are sacred. I need them to remind me I’m alive and that I live to be happy - not to work.
In fact, ALL my spare time is sacred! If I don’t get my usual week night spare time, or my weekends, I start to unravel and breakdown. And that situation is fast approaching… But thankfully tomorrow is my last day at work for 3 days. I hope it goes smoothly.

I miss Jack

Not amused

Originally uploaded by swingnut.

I miss Jack so much!
The only way forward is… the way forward.
Every day that passes is supposed to be a little easier but some days it feels like I’m just taking massive steps backwards.
I never thought I’d grieve so much for anyone.

The only way to live now is day by day.

You learn something new about yourself every day

swingnut - A radical political ideologue (a wingnut) with enough power to swing a debate or election.

e.g., The vote was so narrowly divided along party lines that in the end it was decided by a swingnut who traded his vote for a pork barrel project.

 

From http://www.pseudodictionary.com/search.php?letter=s&browsestart=2900

Return to earth (photo update)

Return to earth

Originally uploaded by swingnut.

Here’s the patch in the front garden where we burried Jack’s ashes.
It’s looking a bit better than that now after I cleared the cut grass from it, and the surrounding grass has recovered after the shock of actually being cut!
(Incidentally, I was dreading cutting the grass this time because it’s where Jack spent a lot of his time recently. In fact, even in the week after he passed away you could see the imprints in the garden where Jack had spent hours laying there. )

Return to earth

This blog entry is an attempt to log a very important day: today we buried the ashes of Jack.
The details and facts can be read in the above link better than I could explain here, but I will attempt to log my thoughts and feelings now.

For me the box of ashes were not Jack. They were simply the remains of his bones. Jack is still here with us in spirit despite his mortal body failing him. And so the scattering of the ashes would have been a token gesture of respect, and an effort of closure.

As the referenced blog post says - we had to change our plans for the ashes when we discovered that we couldn’t actually open the box. So we had only a very short time to adjust to and accept the idea of burial of the ashes, but it soon became apparent that it was the Right Thing To Do.

Digging the hole in the garden between the trees was not an easy task because the ground was water logged due to a recent storm with flash floods, and because there is a very large clay content in the ground in this area. But it needed to be done, and I managed to get it prepared with the use of stones and sand.
This preparation made the process of laying the box of ashes in the ground smooth and relatively easy.
Once the earth was replaced in the hole we planted some bulbs that will flower for most of the year and provide something pretty and positive to look at everyday and remind us of Jack.

Jack loved sitting under the trees in our front garden so that he could listen to the sounds of the neighbourhood, and smell everything that was going on. He would love to smell the flowers, and I’m sure he may even be tempted to pee on them

So today we said goodbye to the physical body that brought Jack to us, and obeyed the law of nature by returning it to earth.
The spirit of Jack of course lives on, and his presence is with us always.
Until we meet again, my friend - I love you. X